some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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