help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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