You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
