If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
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