And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wish my penis had a tongue
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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