you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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