yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You are a genius and a whore.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
