i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
