I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
