official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
