I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
