last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
