I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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