Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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