Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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