The maid of honor just puked.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How's work?
Spinning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize