So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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