If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
do herpes really smell.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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