please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He passed out mid-signature
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
