i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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