i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
