I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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