If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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