He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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