I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
