No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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