there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
