i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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