my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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