so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
