I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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