I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
