Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
