she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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