If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can't talk, ducks in the car
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
