we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
