im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
