yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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