my sisters under your porch take her home
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
