sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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