Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
