dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
