I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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