There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
