if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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