if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
