I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
