Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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