you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
