Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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