I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
