my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
