You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize