Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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