So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Operation Purity has been aborted
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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