Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
