Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
