Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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