Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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