I accidentally burped into my bong.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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