You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
