beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
