i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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