I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
