No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
