I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
