I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
